My tongue does the digging for me

There’s no excuse for it really. I don’t honestly know what inspires me to say what I do sometimes. Sometimes I have no filter. I really don’t know why. I don’t set out trying to hurt people or offend anyone. Sure, if someone is provoked to conversation with me because of what I say, sometimes that’s a motive behind it I guess, but I never intentionally say anything that I think will hurt anyone personally. I sometimes poke hot sticks at other people’s politics or ethics, but that doesn’t mean I’m a hateful person. Does it? If you can’t allow your own beliefs (political or religious/ethical) to be challenged or questioned, you’ll never grow as a person. I won’t ever apologize for believing that.

There are a few exceptions. If you think it’s okay to kill unborn babies I will never apologize for saying that you deserve to die in the same way as the 100s of millions of innocent victims of the crime of abortion have. That is, having your limbs slowly ripped from your body one by one while neither you nor anyone else are allowed to express any outward sign of protest, shortly before you have your skull crushed mercilessly and your remains tossed in the local dump. Don’t like that picture? Good. Eat it up.

If you think that the words “janitor” and “Jew” are even somewhat similar, to the point that you “slip up” and say the latter when you mean the former, I will not hesitate to let it be known that I think you are an imbecile and likely pro-islam. Seriously. I’m not one to promote the ridiculous, pedophilia-based pseudo-psychology of Freud, but there is no way that kind of thing is a “slip of the tongue.” They’re not even phonetically similar.

But other than that, I don’t set out with any intention of hurting people’s feelings just for kicks and giggles. I am not a merciless jerk who is hell-bent on setting people straight in every facet of their lives. Yes I speak my mind. Sometimes too quickly, I realize. But I will never hesitate to apologize or withdraw my statement if I find that somebody finds it personally offensive. I have no qualms with admitting when I am wrong and taking actions to right any wrongs that have stemmed from my actions. I don’t typically seek revenge. Certainly I want to make my intentions clear, and I sometimes talk till I’m blue trying to explain my actions, even if it is never heard by the intended audience. But I don’t seek out to destroy the soul of every person who has an opposing viewpoint. I want to talk about it, maybe even disagree or argue about it, but I don’t see why it should cause us to hate each other. If someone disagrees with me and doesn’t like hearing what I believe, they’re welcome to shrug off what I say or just not bring it up to begin with. But If someone is going to openly express their opinions in a place where I am likely to see it and disagree with it, they should expect somebody to say something. That is my honest opinion.

That being said, I have been known to say things without thinking about the way they sound, but it’s not out of malice. I’ve never claimed to be eloquent or intelligent. I say things. Sometimes I say things I really shouldn’t, and I realize it before it’s too late. Other times I unintentionally say stupid things without realizing it, and I can’t take it back. Even if I say it on a social media platform I can sometimes go back and edit the post, but that doesn’t mean nobody has seen it already.

But I’m not a jerk who unnecessarily stirs waters. I’m just not.

Really, I’m not.

I’ll never apologize for my views or beliefs in certain regards, but that doesn’t mean I won’t apologize for the way I express it. I’m human. I know I royally mess things up. A lot more than I care to admit. I’m not trying to shrug off responsibility for my actions. I know I should be more careful with the way I say or do things. It’s just that sometimes I realize that what I’m doing or saying is not okay a little too late, and it’s already affected someone.

As I’m writing this post, someone shared a quote:

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”

-Maya Angelou

Okay. I get it God. I can’t explain away my actions because that’s not what matters to people. It doesn’t mater how many times I apologize for my actions if what I said or did hurt the other person. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to change how I feel about certain things. I don’t know how to change my reactions to certain things that boil my blood. I don’t know how to say what needs to be said in a way that isn’t offensive to someone else. I don’t know how to shut up when it will only serve to anger someone by speaking up.

I keep forgetting that I’m not my own person. Besides my responsibility to my wife and son to respect them and protect them from idiots like myself, I belong to God, and I have a responsibility to represent Him

I mess up in that area. A lot, I’m finding.

I wouldn’t excuse some jerk being a certain way towards a woman and shrugging it off by saying “I’m just a guy,” so why do I think I get to shrug off my actions and words by saying “I’m just imperfect?”

I am a hypocrite. I just never realized it before. I really don’t want to be.

“The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness”
-Proverbs 15;2